My Son Is Sexually Attracted to Me
Barbara Greenberg Ph.D.
The Teen Doctor
Therapy My Son Is Sexually Attracted to Me My adult son is behaving oddly.
Posted September 25, 2014 | Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
THE BASICS
Key points
While it's highly unusual for sons to be attracted to their mothers, they may be attracted to women who have qualities like their mothers.
A son who admits being attracted to his mother may be under the influence or struggling with psychological issues.
Therapy is the best intervention for sons attracted to their mothers.
Dear Dr. G.,
My 25-year-old son told me via email that he is sexually attracted to me and has been for about 10 years. We talked briefly but he was incredibly embarrassed and regretted sending the email. I was beyond stunned and didn't know what to say or do.
Is this at all normal? And no, I do not share his feelings at all. I'm having a very difficult time with this and it's now awkward between us. I plan to get professional help, but in the meantime just need to know…something. Help! Thank you!
A Scared Mother
Dear Mother,
You have many reasons to be confused, befuddled, and anxious about your unusual and I am sure unexpected message from your son. Let me first tell you that I am very happy that you reached out to me. Apparently, your son has been having sexual feelings toward you since he was a young teenager.
In response to your question, this is not typical or "normal" behavior. Yes, sons may be attracted to women who have qualities like their mothers but being sexually attracted to one's mother is unusual and odd. It is also of interest that your son chose to share this information with you rather than with a professional. I am concerned that he thought it was appropriate to share these feelings with you, even though you say he later regretted sending the email.
I am curious to know what his expectations were when he sent the email and if he thought that his feelings were perfectly normal until he got a shocked response from you. This is just speculation. It is also possible that he was scared of his feelings and would have been responsive to the suggestion that he go to therapy to resolve this issue. It is also possible that he was drunk or using drugs at the time that he wrote the email. On the other hand, perhaps he is struggling with psychological problems that need to be addressed so that he can appropriately move on from his feelings toward you and get involved in relationships with appropriate partners.
Here is what I recommend you do immediately: Have a heart-to-heart with your son in person and let him know that you are not angry with him but that you love him and care about him deeply. Then tell him that he needs to begin therapy immediately. This is both necessary and crucial.
I wish you all the luck in the world. I know how deeply concerned you must be about your son.
Best,
Dr. G.
To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
THE BASICS
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About the Author
Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.
Online:
Dr. Barbara Greenberg, Facebook
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